The Trick is to Keep Breathing
by Zelha
Summary: Drabble. Sai and Sakura discuss death and how to deal with it. Manga chapter 405 spoilers.


It seems that I enjoy picking emotionally stunted brains, haha.

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**The Trick Is To Keep Breathing**

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"So who was he?" he asked, quite confused to see her crying. It wasn't a regular occurrence nowadays, but it always struck him as rather fascinating sight.

"He was Naruto's sensei, when he went away for a while. He trained him."

"So why the Hokage was so..." as usual, he was at loss when trying to identify emotions.

"She was sad," the female at his side answered, wiping her own tears with the back of her fist. "I think she was upset because he was her only friend left. Her only teammate left."

"So Jiraiya-sama was Tsunade-sama's teammate?" he repeated, trying to picture the whole scheme. Of course the powerful blonde woman should be feeling sad. Now she was alone in this world.

"Yes. I don't know how I would have reacted if someone tells me that about Naruto... or Kakashi, Yamato-taichou... or even you."

Of course, he noticed that she had carefully left the traitor out of her rumination. But the including of his own codename confused him again.

"Me?" he asked, plastering once again his little, fake smile. She rolled her eyes and sent him an exasperated glance that would have worked if it weren't for the fact that she was still tearing.

"Of course, you dumbass. You are our teammate. Our friend, no matter how insensitive you are."

He nodded numbly, watching her mulling about another thing, biting her lower lip in contemplation.

The medic-nin sighed heavily. "It was rather ironic, really. Jiraiya-sama was loud, devious, wicked and the worst pervert of the village. But he was also loyal, and friendly, wise and brilliant. I know that shishou said he was a hopeless moron, but he had a big heart."

"He was like Naruto, then."

Sakura snapped her head to look at his eyes. They were cautious and guarded, but also curious and somewhat understanding. A little smile tugged her lips, her eyebrows drawing upwards.

"Yes. He was like Naruto. I think that's why she's so sad. Tell me, Sai, if you were on Naruto's place, how you would've reacted?"

He considered carefully her question, staring back at her green eyes. She seemed interested in his answer, so he felt he should be honest for once.

"I don't know," he finally said. "If my sensei dies in the line of duty I..." he trailed off, trying to put his ideas into words but failing altogether.

"Let's try something else," she said, sniffling and shaking her head. "How did you react when you were told about your Nii-san's passing?"

His eyes snapped at her gaze so fast that she nodded. "I know this is harsh because there's no comparison. _You_ have no comparison, but think about it, please."

"I... was very still," he relayed, looking down to the stairs they were sitting on. "He also died in an ambush, so my stillness was very dangerous for my integrity."

"Alright. What did you think when you found out about his passing?" Sakura pressed. Sai shook his head, trying to concentrate on that particular memory.

"I started to... I started to think about all the moments we spend together," he finally said after a while of pondering. The pink-haired female at his side nodded in approval.

"That is what Naruto is doing," she remarked, her eyes straying down to the sole orange-clad person that was sitting on a park bench, a melting popsicle lying forgotten in his hand. "He's _mourning_."

Sai followed her gaze and nodded slowly.

She stood up, looking up at the sunset sky. "This is what we do when a loved one goes away. We cry, we feel bad, we feel sad... but sooner or later we get better and face life head on. We try to overcome the sense of loss that grips us, getting better and getting stronger to protect all those living ones that remain with us. We fight with everything we have, to keep the sadness at bay."

The artist never took his eyes from her form. He suddenly understood all those labels for the thoughts and things that invaded his mind when his brother died. Loss, grief, and pain, were the main triggers for that emotion called sadness.

"Do you think he'll be okay then?" he asked, trying to keep up with the varying course of questions that he suddenly wanted to ask her. After all, she was a master of feelings.

Sakura glanced once more at Naruto's bowed head. "Yes, he'll be okay, but we'll have to make him remember that we are still here, with him."

She directed her inquisitive gaze to Sai once more, making him think about an eagle's gaze. Sharp.

"Do you understand, nakama?"

Sai smiled wanly, realizing the determination that lay in her tone. "Hai."

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_ - Tenna' ento lye omenta -_

-XxX-

**AN:** In Memoriam, Jiraiya-sama, snif. Thanks to Argesh Marek for her prompt beta and thank you guys for reading!


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